"Any person who selects a goal in life
which can be fully achieved, has already defined his own
I know lots of people who shy away from things that they
know will be difficult. The thought of performing something
poorly initially prevents them from ever acquiring the skills
to perform well. Some are even encouraged to keep their
expectations low so that they aren't disappointed. Know anyone
We all make mistakes when learning something new; we're all
bad at the new thing for a time. We call it a learning
curve. We run the risk of failure or embarrassment or even
rejection when we take on new challenges. For the worthwhile
things in life that you aspire to become or to have, or that
you dream to accomplish, you will need to do things that you
don't already know how to do and risk poor performance.
Be aware that your fear of failure may call the safety team
into action. Your body and your mind team-up to keep you safe
from danger, aka risky things. They work beautifully and serve
you well--much of the time. The reaction in your body, that
nervous stomach or tight throat, is your body's physical
reaction to risky situations. When you feel those fear
reactions, you're likely to stop and take notice. That's the
intent, you know: to stop you from something risky. Then your
mind joins in to ensure that you stay away from risky things.
It produces all sorts of good reasons for stopping. Your mind
reinforces your body's response, making it very hard for you to
move forward into risk. This system works beautifully to keep
us from harm, and we all need to take a minute to appreciate
how powerful this safety team of ours truly is.
The rub comes from the changing definition of "risk." What
may at one time have been risky may no longer be a valid risk.
As we get older and experience more and more, our intentions
for the future change, but often the safety team doesn't know
about the change. They didn't get updated and, therefore, jump
in--attempting to prevent you from the old definition of risk.
Here is another example of how this powerful safety team can
mess up a great intention unless its mandates are updated.
Let's say your goal is to have a loving relationship with a
partner. To be in this type of relationship successfully,
you'll need to be able to communicate honestly and freely.
You'll need to be able to express your thoughts and needs and
to be open and able to respond to your partner's thoughts and
needs. Open communication is necessary for this type of
relationship. But each time you think of expressing a need to
your partner, you feel that physical risky feeling. Then your
mind jumps in to reinforce things. Your mind conjures up
thoughts that you'll appear too needy, unsatisfied, complaining
and will be afraid your partner will reject you. Your mind
might even start presenting past examples of times your ideas
were rejected, as evidence that you should keep quiet. The
powerful combination of physical stomach churning, tight throat
and fearful thoughts packs a powerful punch! Would staying
quiet in this situation serve you? No! If a loving and open
relationship is your dream, you will be hard-pressed to have it
if you stay quiet. The only way you'll every have it is if you
risk yourself and speak your mind.
For many of us, this is not just some random example; it is
reality. There are many who have elected to accept less than
the desires in their hearts because they are halted by their
fears. Therefore, they remain quiet and in unfulfilling
One trick to help energize your actions toward any dream is
to select your goal wisely so that the attainment of the goal
is just so darn sexy and full of energy. When your desire for
the attainment of your dream becomes strong enough, it will
help you calm the fears you feel in your body and replace the
fearful thoughts with powerful energy. Let your safety team
follow a new mandate of protection: protecting you from missing
out on your dream.
All worthy endeavors are worth doing poorly at first. Get in
the game and play anyway!
"Any person who selects a goal in life which can be
fully achieved, has already defined his own
Life and fitness coach and author Lorraine Esposito has
been featured in broadcast, print and online media and is a
public speaker regarding personal leadership and empowered
parenting to community and school-based audiences. Find out
more about Lorraine at www.Peacemaker-Coach.com
and her latest book at http://www.morningpeacemaker.com
The Morning Peacemaker, How to get your kids out the
door on time without saying(nagging) a word. If you have
kids ages 2 to 12 you'll LOVE this book