Header Graphic

 Home      *      Blog      *     Contact    *   Book         

 

"Any person who selects a goal in life which can be fully achieved, has already defined his own limitations."--Cavett Robert  

 

 

I know lots of people who shy away from things that they know will be difficult. The thought of performing something poorly initially prevents them from ever acquiring the skills to perform well. Some are even encouraged to keep their expectations low so that they aren't disappointed. Know anyone like that?

We all make mistakes when learning something new; we're all bad at the new thing for a time. We call it a learning curve. We run the risk of failure or embarrassment or even rejection when we take on new challenges. For the worthwhile things in life that you aspire to become or to have, or that you dream to accomplish, you will need to do things that you don't already know how to do and risk poor performance.

Be aware that your fear of failure may call the safety team into action. Your body and your mind team-up to keep you safe from danger, aka risky things. They work beautifully and serve you well--much of the time. The reaction in your body, that nervous stomach or tight throat, is your body's physical reaction to risky situations. When you feel those fear reactions, you're likely to stop and take notice. That's the intent, you know: to stop you from something risky. Then your mind joins in to ensure that you stay away from risky things. It produces all sorts of good reasons for stopping. Your mind reinforces your body's response, making it very hard for you to move forward into risk. This system works beautifully to keep us from harm, and we all need to take a minute to appreciate how powerful this safety team of ours truly is.

The rub comes from the changing definition of "risk." What may at one time have been risky may no longer be a valid risk. As we get older and experience more and more, our intentions for the future change, but often the safety team doesn't know about the change. They didn't get updated and, therefore, jump in--attempting to prevent you from the old definition of risk. Here is another example of how this powerful safety team can mess up a great intention unless its mandates are updated.

Let's say your goal is to have a loving relationship with a partner. To be in this type of relationship successfully, you'll need to be able to communicate honestly and freely. You'll need to be able to express your thoughts and needs and to be open and able to respond to your partner's thoughts and needs. Open communication is necessary for this type of relationship. But each time you think of expressing a need to your partner, you feel that physical risky feeling. Then your mind jumps in to reinforce things. Your mind conjures up thoughts that you'll appear too needy, unsatisfied, complaining and will be afraid your partner will reject you. Your mind might even start presenting past examples of times your ideas were rejected, as evidence that you should keep quiet. The powerful combination of physical stomach churning, tight throat and fearful thoughts packs a powerful punch! Would staying quiet in this situation serve you? No! If a loving and open relationship is your dream, you will be hard-pressed to have it if you stay quiet. The only way you'll every have it is if you risk yourself and speak your mind.

For many of us, this is not just some random example; it is reality. There are many who have elected to accept less than the desires in their hearts because they are halted by their fears. Therefore, they remain quiet and in unfulfilling relationships.

One trick to help energize your actions toward any dream is to select your goal wisely so that the attainment of the goal is just so darn sexy and full of energy. When your desire for the attainment of your dream becomes strong enough, it will help you calm the fears you feel in your body and replace the fearful thoughts with powerful energy. Let your safety team follow a new mandate of protection: protecting you from missing out on your dream.

All worthy endeavors are worth doing poorly at first. Get in the game and play anyway!

"Any person who selects a goal in life which can be fully achieved, has already defined his own limitations."--Cavett Robert
 
Warmest Regards,
Lorraine Esposito
914-410-7502

Life and fitness coach and author Lorraine Esposito has been featured in broadcast, print and online media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership and empowered parenting to community and school-based audiences. Find out more about Lorraine at www.Peacemaker-Coach.com and her latest book at http://www.morningpeacemaker.com  The Morning Peacemaker, How to get your kids out the door on time without saying(nagging) a word. If you have kids ages 2 to 12 you'll LOVE this book

  

WCC logo

Registration Opens Fall 2013 - Coach Training and Certification with Lorraine Esposito

 

  

Coach Lorraine Esposito, PCC

  

 

Influence ChidlrenAmplify your influence with children

 

Influence Relationships

Amplify your influence in relationships

  

Influence ClientsAmplify your influence in business

  Higher Ground Leadership Coach

  

CoachVille Mentor Coach

  

Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation