October 28, 2012
Lying about your role in a mistake your child
Parents cop-out by selectively hiding behind a natural consequence.
Natural consequences prove to your child that
he has power over
cause and effect.
Remembers homework – Good Grade
Forgets homework – Gets a Zero
of seemingly credible people are telling—and selling—parents on the
beauty of natural consequences.
I agree, but . .
Natural consequences only work if you’ve
taught your children how use the power of choice to either create or avoid a
Yes, your child should remember his homework.
Yes, feeling the sting that follows forgetting homework is a
No, your child isn’t accountable for the zero if you’ve always
remembered for her, but just forgot one day.
you’ve told him to remember homework, but until you show him how you remain
Who is REALLY
accountable for the zero? YOU
Based on the usual way of things,
it was reasonable for your child to expect you to remember the homework.
When you suddenly abandon your accountability
Your child feels abandoned
Three types of smaller questions can help you
zero-in on the context of a situation before diving in.
Yes, even you forget things from
Absolve your child of responsibility, even if
it means you have to phone the teacher and take the blame.
Child: We share the
responsibility for the homework because I usually remind you. I’m obviously
not as reliable as you need me to be. Maybe it’s time you start to take
The Morning Peacemaker Method is a simple step-by-step plan that transitions
your child into independence—with the help of ‘training wheels.’
Taking the heat shows your child that you are
on her team—even when it’s uncomfortable.
Remember, to your child, that zero is a big
Watching you acknowledge your perfection (to
err is perfectly human) makes it easier for your child to risk being perfectly
Mistakes are very important!
Without his willingness to risk making
mistakes, he won’t be able to learn from natural consequences.
Sharing the responsibility for a mistake
starts the independence conversation.
To your child, your selflessness is an act of
loyalty. You’ve proven that she is more important than the
promise to instill certain values, like honesty and reliability. By demonstrating
these values in action—even when it stings—you’re showing him how to face problems with
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Chime in >> What do you think?