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Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week

Keep it Real

Keeping everything that follows real, too.

What it is

Telling the truth without masking the meaning of the truth. 

Why it's
Important

Everything after a statement of fact will be based on the meaning of the statement—not just the facts. Keeping it real means everything that happens after is real, too.

The
Problem

People don’t always like the truth. To avoid argument, judgment, or discomfort people spin the meaning of facts—a spin job.

Consider the complications created and the wasted energy addressing something that doesn't exist.

Amplify Your Influence

Example: Family Dinner

The family wants to go out for dinner, but your teenage son wants to stay home and veg. How your son answers the invitation decides the value in your actions.

Answer 1- The Spin Job

I don’t feel good (stomach ache.) Go ahead without me; it’s not so bad that I need someone to take care of me.

What follows is pointless

It’s frustratingly pointless to take care of a sick person who isn’t really sick and your son gets trapped into telling more lies.

Answer 2 – Keeping it real

I don’t want to go out tonight. May I stay home?

What follows has value

Because his statement is real, everything the family does after that makes sense and has value-whether he’s allowed to stay home or not.

The Tip
KISS It

Keep It Simple & Short

Experiment with simple, short, and real  answers. You'll soon see the value in a good KISS.

Answer your kids’ requests with two parts: 

Part 1: Yes or No. Be clear right from the start.

Part 2: The real reason for your answer. A real answer is naturally shorter than a spin job.

Q:  May I stay home?

A:  No. I’m not ready to leave you home alone.

Part 2 - It's All About You

Answers are based on many factors, one of which is your child's behavior, but there are other factors, too. Answers consider your childhood experiences, fear of criticism, social and community norms, etc. 

Keep it real

            Keep it about you

                              and cut to the chase.

Q:  May I have a snack?

A:  No. I don’t want a mess in the kitchen.

   Sound Selfish? Nah, it's real.     Sound selfish? Nah, it’s real.
Q:  May I have a snack?

A:  No. I don’t feel like getting up to make it for you.

    Sound lazy? Nah . . .    Sound lazy?   Nah, it’s real.
 Q:   May I have a snack?

A:  Yes. Providing you clean the kitchen and can make the snack yourself.

 Sound Selfish and Lazy? Nah, it's all real.

Sound selfish and lazy? Nah, it’s real . . . and besides, it's good for  kids to learn how much effort a snack can be.

No good reason? It’s okay; just don’t make up something. Keep it real and say it like it is. You might find that your first answer isn’t really the best one after all.

Either way, you still get to decide yes or no.  

Check out life coach training and certification at the Center for Coaching Mastery at Westchester Community College

Benefits

Understanding

Clear and concise leaves little room for misunderstanding.

Answers Evolve

Real answers are based on updated reality -- the situation as it is now in real time.

Influence

Hiding behind a false notion that everything hinges on your child’s behavior creates distrust in your child. 

Your child is completely perfect and yet you may not let him stay home alone.

Promise
Kept

We promised to teach our kids how to make good choices. By giving them a chance to practice hearing and speaking what’s real, they’ll learn how to focus energy wisely vs. pouring energy down rabbit holes.

Good decisions are only possible if you’re working from real truth.

  

 Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week - Keep it Real

Related Articles: The Fraud Space, Father’s Day Complaint,

Related Tip of the Week: Debate Bait,

  Chime in >> What do you think?

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February 17, 2013 

    Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week - Keep it Real

 

     

  

 

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