July 8, 2012
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Self-Evaluate
Independence is knowing when "good" is good
enough
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What it
is
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To
accurately assess the quality of one's efforts.
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| Why it's
Important |
Independence requires that we
establish our own standards of performance and conduct and then have the ability to objectively
determine how well we’ve hit our mark.
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| The
Problem |
Human nature makes us lazy;
we’re biologically wired to conserve energy. Bothersome chores get done poorly.
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Vague
Standards
-
Meaningless
Task
Ugh! It gets mighty frustrating having to point out
the missed details in a sloppy chore, over and over again.
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The Tip
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Delegate w/o
Details
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Allow your kids to
practice setting standards and assessing efforts without assuming they need your
help.
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.” General Patton
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Step
1
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Identify 3ish
frequent chores with 5 steps. Example: Clearing the table after
dinner.
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Clear
everything from table
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Thoroughly
wipe table
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Thoroughly
wipe chairs
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Thoroughly
sweep under table and chairs
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Replace
chairs
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Step
2
Ask
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Ask your kids
to accept responsibility for a chore. Offer chores by name
w/o details, i.e., Clear Dinner Table, Take Garbage Out, Tidy Family Room . . .
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Step
3
Questions?
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With confidence in your child, ask her if she has a question about what’s
expected. Answer only the questions asked.
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Step
4
Hold your tongue
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The first
night you may find crumbs on the floor.
Yippie! It’s your opportunity to help him understand how to
establish standards and self-evaluate. Point out the crumbs and
ask for them to be swept.
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Step
5
Turn it over
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After a few days, stop pointing to specific problems. By
this time, you’re likely to have encountered issues with
everything. Now, you’ll just say, “The dinner table isn’t done,
please finish the job.”
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 Push Back / Back
Slide!
Push
Back! Expect
some. With your parenting promise in mind,
respond with confidence in your child and reassure her that you know she can
do the job without your help.
Back Slide! Expect some.
After a while he’ll test standards again. Tell him you’ll only
check once every 20 minutes and to be sure the task is complete before
asking your agreement. He can’t move on to another
activity because he’s expected to finish here first.
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Step
6
Simple
Thank You
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Thank your child without fanfare. She's done what is
expected and that’s great, but not an “extra.”
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Why every 20
minutes?
You, the parent, also have things to do. Stopping to
check his work frequently is an unwelcome
interruption.
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Treat him like an adult
and he will learn how to become an adult.
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Benefits!
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Chores
Done Well
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Once past the learning curve
on the simple stuff, more complicated chores get done with much less
hand-holding.
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| Nag
Free |
Focused on your parenting
promises, you can communicate with respect and love.
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| Respect |
Answering questions vs.
telling how demonstrates belief in their abilities.
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| Influence |
Leadership demonstrated /
independence practiced
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Related Articles: Consistency in Boundaries, Truth
Evolves
Related Tip of the Week: Lunch Note,
Chime in >> What do you think?
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