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October 14, 2012

Turn It Over

Personal Trainer Style

What it is

To turn something over to your child means two things:

1.      Your child feels ready for full authority over something.

2.    You agree.

Why it's Important

Sooner than you think you won’t have a choice.  Your child will claim his right to take charge of his life. Best to practice early:

  • Your child practices decision-making and consequences.
  • You practice watching from the sidelines.
The Problem

Fearing the test of our parenting, we panic when it’s time to let go. 

We Fear:

·        Physical or emotional harm.

·        Irreparable damage to his future opportunities.

·        Failing to have delivered on our parenting promises. 

The Tip

Think like a personal trainer

Responsibility  is a skill-muscle that requires training.  Adopt the 4-step training process that works whether you’re training for a triathlon or for a responsible life.   

Step 1: 

Clarify Focus

For what are you training and why?

Parents:   Clarify your parenting promises.

Kids:  Clarify personal benefit.

Step 2:   

Personalized Training 

Uniquely structure training to fit a unique individual.

Parents:   Teach what you know and find others to teach the rest.

Kids:   Discover what works through experience.

Step 3: 

Expand Awareness

Personal values with short- and long-term goals.

Parents:  Solve problems for today, teach independence for a lifetime.

Kids:  Efforts today give satisfaction and set up a happy life.

Step 4: 

Design Environments 

Practice  with guidance and support.

Parents:   Basic skills practiced doing small things; connect the small to your big parenting promises.

Kids:   Big lessons become recognizable through effective debrief of small actions.


Letting go feels great!


Each step provides opportunities to celebrate the process of becoming responsible.


A simple teaching strategy helps you through uncertainty.


Training with awareness builds excitement about the coming-of-age process.


Supporting your child’s desire for independence demonstrates your faith in her ability to thrive.  She’ll listen  when you speak.

Promise Kept

We promise  to teach our kids how to stand behind the decisions they make.  By gradually turning over small responsibilities, you’ll make good on your promise.


Related Articles:  Delay Gratification? NO WAY!, Bribing Kids, The Currency of Power,

Related Tip of the Week:  Have Faith, Portion Control,


Turn it over

  Chime in >> What do you think?

 Email Lorraine with your question 

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Coach Lorraine Esposito, PCC



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