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March 17, 2013

Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week

Your Reflection

It's found in your child's actions and attitudes

What it is

Your children look like you and sound like you, but it goes beyond physical features or defining gestures.

Your child’s attitudes and habits are also a reflection of you, because your child imitates what she sees you doing. 

Why it's

It's possible that you are demonstrating the very limited beliefs and habits that annoy you about your child.

Considering this possibility can help you understand what you’re seeing and resolve the problem--for you both.


Courage is needed to objectively find ourselves at the center of our problems.

It’s seductively easy to point fingers at other people or circumstances, because it not only absolves us of feeling responsible it gives us a convenient place to vent frustration and anger.

Amplify Your Influence

The Tip
Stop Biting Your Fingernails

It takes courage to be responsible for your behavior.

Step 1

Something Small

List 10 things your child says and/or does that annoy you. 

Pick the least important thing for this experiment.

Step 2

Observe Yourself

For 2 days watch your behavior for examples of this small yet annoying thing.

You may not bite your fingernails, but you might bite a cuticle or pencil or your hair or something similar.

Step 3

Observe Your Child

Then watch your child for the next 2 days.

Make note of the frequency and triggers for this small yet annoying thing.

You’re benchmarking the problem for comparison later.

Step 4

Consciously Change

For 5 days be hyper-aware of your behavior at all times, not just in the presence of your kids. Stop yourself before doing this thing that you do.

Also, continue to observe your child as in Step 3 making note of any changes in her behavior.

Step 5

Share Results

After it’s all said and done share your experiment with your child.

Let him know that you’ve noticed the affect your behavior has on his behavior and tell him how you've made a conscious effort to be a better role model.

Ask for help! Ask him to tell you how you can set an even better example.

Engaging him in the solution makes him an owner of the whole kit-and-kabootal!

But what if nothing changes?

Awesome! You’ve learned a great deal from observing anyway, share what you learned.

But what if I don't do this annoying thing?

Chances are you do, so look again or ask someone close to you (spouse, sibling, parent, best friend, etc.) If you still come up blank pick something else, but don’t give up too quickly.

Check out life coach training and certification at the Center for Coaching Mastery at Westchester Community College



Understanding commonality and connections helps us transcend the petty reactions and historical conflicts.


It’s hard to reach beyond the boundaries of ego, yet that’s what’s required to grow and to inspire others.


As you demonstrate a willingness to change something about yourself, you demonstrate partnership and compassion.

Our kids will only accept the invitation to follow our leadership when the invitation comes from this place of vulnerability and openness.


We promise to teach our kids how to make good choices. Choosing to take responsibility for your actions demonstrates the essence of personal leadership – the ability to see yourself as the key thought leader in your own life.

Bingo! Promise Delivered!


 Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week - Your Reflection

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Related Tip of the Week: Accountability Cop-Out, Debate Bait,

  Chime in >> What do you think?

Email Lorraine with your question 



Peacemaker Coach Tip of the Week - Your Reflection



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